Friday, October 10, 2008

Take Cover!

My wife got this email today at school:

University Police would like the campus community to know that the
helicopter buzzing our campus is not a threat.

The university has hired the helicopter to help with a film that is being 
prepared. Filming is scheduled to continue through today and Saturday.

We apologize for the disturbance.



Apparently people in the Provo, Utah area are a little paranoid, and think they're under attack.  I'm not sure what the helicopter they're using looks like, but I'm pretty sure that unless it looks like this:



...there should be no cause for alarm.  Unless, of course, they're attending BYU-Baghdad.


Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Juice

I am getting over a cold, and my wife is starting her cold (we share everything).  Over the past couple of weeks -- and for the next couple of weeks -- my wife and I have been (and will be) drinking a lot of juice.  We usually buy the frozen concentrate because it's cheaper than the stuff that comes in the cartons or jugs.  We've noticed that often the stuff in the cartons and jugs is from concentrate anyway, so we figure we're being money-wise.

So, I was making up some juice the other day, and I looked at the label to make sure that I didn't add too much (or too little) water.  You know, it's pretty sick to try to drink watered-down juice.  Anyway, I looked at the label and the instructions said to mix 1 can of concentrate with about 3 cans of water... that's pretty much the standard ratio.  But what intrigues me is what's printed right above the nutrition facts.  Take a look:


"Contains 100% juice when properly reconstituted."


Umm... what does it contain before it's properly reconstituted?  300% juice?


Monday, August 25, 2008

Now for the happy news...

As promised, here is a bit of happy news. Remember how I needed to pass one more section of the CPA exam?

Well I have been checking for my score online every day (usually more than once a day) since I took the test on July 26th. I checked again this morning before I left for work, and there was the same message as was there the past four weeks: "Error. Score not found."

I checked when I got to work, and there was no longer that message. Instead, there was my name with a number beneath. I needed a score of 75 to pass, and I scored 88. Yay! Not only did I pass, but I PASSED!!

So now I get to take the two state parts (one is an ethics exam, and the other is an open-book rules & procedures exam). Once I pass those two tests, I get to be a CPA!

I'm pretty happy about it all.

The answer is no!

My wife and I went camping this past weekend with some friends from our old neighborhood. We went up to the Spruces campground in Big Cottonwood Canyon. It was a blast with the 6 families and nearly 20 kids that were there, however, three of the families didn't stay the night since they had "stuff" going on Saturday morning. Too bad for them.

One of the best parts of camping for me is just sitting around the fire. The parents in the group sent their kids to bed after s'mores and the adults sat around the fire until about 1 am, and then we all decided to turn in. My wife and I went to our small tent and the other two families went to their (really, really nice) trailers. We're not jealous, because we like our tent and the queen-sized air mattress that we use.

Speaking of our air mattress, about a month or so ago we loaned it to some friends. They were getting married, they had a bunch of family coming in from out of town, and they wanted a place for them to sleep (I guess because the Hampton Inn was full?). So they asked to borrow our air mattress. Fine enough, but after they brought it back to us, we noticed that the charger for our air pump was not in the bag. Apparently it is nowhere to be found. We were pretty annoyed about that, but we figured we could maybe buy a new pump or charger or something. I checked the pump, and it still had a good charge so we decided we'd still take it on this weekend camp.

Anyway, we hadn't inflated our air mattress before going to bed, mostly because we were in a hurry to get going on dinner earlier in the evening. So we unrolled our air mattress and pulled out our little air pump to blow it up. I looked around the air mattress and found the hole where the pump goes, and I was about to put the pump in and start it up when I realized... the plug that goes in that hole to keep all the air in the air mattress is gone. Not there. Missing. Presumably it's in the same abyss that our charger is in.

At that point, we were pretty ticked, but we were so tired that we just left the air mattress out flat, put some blankets and a sleeping bag underneath us, and covered ourselves with blankets to try to sleep. At least there were weeds underneath the tent and not rocks and dirt. I think maybe we had a little bit more padding with the weeds.

Now our air mattress is completely useless and we have to buy a new one. They're not very expensive, but still...

So the moral of this story is if anyone asks us to borrow our stuff from now on, the answer is no. Other people never seem to take care of our stuff like we want it taken care of.

There you go... a Monday gripe. Stay tuned for some happy news!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Mosquitoes



Can anyone tell me why on earth these little blood-suckers were invented? What purpose could they possibly serve, other than to annoy me?

I got bit by one a few days ago. In my house. While I was sleeping. On my knuckle.

Whenever I get bit by a mosquito, the bite swells up huge. I must be allergic or something. Because of the location of this bite, it now looks like I either have a case of rheumatoid arthritis or a tumor on my knuckle. Oh... and it itches really bad and hurts like... well, yeah.

I'm convinced that mosquitoes didn't exist in the Garden of Eden. How could they exist in a paradise like that? Doesn't seem to me like much of a paradise if they are there.

I'm in favor of completely eradicating mosquitoes from the planet. I don't think we'd see any nasty effects when these become extinct. I know dragonflies and some types of fish feed on them, but I'm sure those species could find something else to eat.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Mailman Humor

Today's joke from the mailman:

Q: When do you know a politician is telling the truth?

A: When he calls another politician a liar.


_

Camping and Poetry

So it's summertime. It's hot in the valley, and I'm wishing I was camping in the mountains. My wife and I haven't been camping yet this year. We usually try to go a few times in the spring, summer, or fall, but this year we've been kinda busy. Hopefully we'll get a chance in a few weeks or so.

So what does the fact that we haven't been camping this year have to do with poetry (as my subject might suggest)? Not much, actually. Except that often when I think of camping, I think back to when I was a Boy Scout and we would go on a week-long camp every year at the East Fork of the Bear River in the Uintas. At this camp every year on an evening of his choosing, our Assistant Scoutmaster would gather us around the campfire and recite a poem. It wasn't some fruity "roses are red" kind of poem -- it was definitely a "manly poem." He always told us the same poem, and it has become one of my favorites.

Here it is for your enjoyment.
_________________________________________

The Cremation of Sam McGee
by Robert Service

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam ‘round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he’d often say in his homely way that “he’d sooner live in hell.”

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka’s fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we’d close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn’t see;
It wasn’t much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o’erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and “Cap,” says he, “I’ll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I’m asking that you won’t refuse my last request.”

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn’t say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
“It’s the cursed cold, and it’s got right hold till I’m chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet ‘taint being dead—it’s my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you’ll cremate my last remains.”

A pal’s last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn’t a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn’t get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: “You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it’s up to you to cremate those last remains.”

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows—O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I’d often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the “Alice May.”
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then “Here,” said I, with a sudden cry, “is my cre-ma-tor-eum.”

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared and the furnace roared—such a blaze you seldom see;
Then I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn’t like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don’t know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: “I’ll just take a peep inside.
I guess he’s cooked, and it’s time I looked;” . . . then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: “Please close that door.
It’s fine in here, but I greatly fear you’ll let in the cold and storm—
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it’s the first time I’ve been warm.”

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

_________________________________________