Spam

Like everyone in the world who has an email address, I am not immune to spam.  On a side note, I wish I was immune to SPAM... that stuff is nasty!  A girl that used to work in my office would eat it at least once a week.  She'd slice it and microwave it and stink up the entire office.  Yuck.  At Scout Camp when I was a kid, SPAM was on the lunch menu on Thursdays.  Every year.  Lunch on those days would have been much happier for me -- and more satisfying -- if I was immune to SPAM.

But I digress.

Today's post is not about Hormel Foods' atrocities... although I do feel they should be tried for their crimes against humanity.  How else could I say this?  If Hormel was President, they'd be impeached because of their High Crimes and Misdemeanors.  If we both were in the Old West, I think I probably would have led the mob that ran Hormel out of town on a rail.

You: Wow, for a post that is not about SPAM, you are devoting an awful lot of screen space to the product.

Me: You're correct: it is awful.  Moving on...

No, today's post is about spam... those annoying messages that fill your inbox, in the hopes that maybe you will click on a link and give up personal information, or buy some crappy product, or infect your computer with a virus or other nastiness.  I see a correlation here: crappy products... infecting you with nastiness... that HAS to be why they call it spam!  So much like Hormel's canned cr....

You: Again with the SPAM?

Me: Sorry.

Anyway, most of the spam that is sent to me gets filtered straight to my junk folder where it is nicely corralled and sent to oblivion.  Every few days, I'll skim through that folder to make sure no important messages are accidentally filtered there.  I get the usual garbage... ads for numerous pills and supplements to enlarge various bits-n-pieces... products to help me reach my financial goals... cruise deals... timeshares... messages in broken English that purport to be from a national bank of which I am not a customer... you know, the usual.

Lately, though, I've noticed I've started to get a lot of Russian spam.  Written in Russian.  Like this:
Вам нужна хорошая, качественная реклама?
According to Google Translate, this says, "You need a good, high-quality advertising?"

Or this:
изучите английский за неделю до путешествия! 
Which means, "Learn English for a week before the trip!"

Yep.  Little ol' American me, getting ads for some Russian to teach me English or take care of my advertising.

The latest -- and perhaps most intriguing -- spam I've received came just yesterday, and it was sent straight to my inbox, not my junk folder.  It's written in Danish.  Here it is:

konfektkage

  

1500 g kranse xx

14 æg

675 g sukker

350 g nøddeflager

675 g chokolade i små stykker eller knapper

350 g blødt smør

4,5 tsk. bagepulver

Det hele røres sammen, puttes i bradepande, 180 grader i 30-40 min.

Looks like I'm now getting recipe spams.  (NOT recipes for SPAM, mind you.  All of those should be properly and promptly destroyed).

As near as I can figure, it's a recipe for something called candy cake.  There are 14 eggs involved.  And more than 5 cups of sugar.  I don't know what nøddeflager is, but it sounds delicious.  It looks like there is chocolate involved somehow, so that's a good sign.  Kranse translates to 'wreaths.'  I'm not really sure what that's all about, but you add some soft butter and baking powder and bake it for 30-40 minutes.

Even with the 14 eggs and tons of sugar, this recipe spam is bound to be a healthier choice than eating actual SPAM.

Enjoy your sugary-chocolaty-egg-wreaths!